Brake pads and rotors

When I got my first Mustang at age 50, a blue V6 with Pony package, I told myself I just wanted a nice car, I didn't want to race.  Then I went to the local race track and watched some drag racing.  Then I went back and raced.  That was all it took.  There I'd be every Friday night or Sunday afternoon I could get to the drag races for my adrenalin fix.

Soon I realized that I really needed a V8 if I was going to be serious about racing.  And I had become as serious as a heart attack about it.  I traded the pretty blue Pony car for sinister looking black GT.

I hadn't grown up around car people so things like changing oil and tires were beyond me.  I was flummoxed by just checking tire pressure, I didn't know if I could trust a tire pressure gage's reading and I thought I was just letting the air out of the tire trying to check it.  I learned to go way outside my usual comfort zone to do these things anyway either by researching them on the internet or from the people around me at events.  I bought drag radials for the rears and changing those out became my pre-race ritual.

I got involved in autocrossing and attended a couple of track day weekends.  I always enjoy driving these events, even if I am disappointed in how I do compared to other people.

I indulged myself in these automotive pursuits because I am getting older and haven't really lived all that much. I really feel alive when I do this.  As my employment situation becomes more precarious, I know I may have to give it up abruptly.  I wouldn't be able to afford $5/gallon gasoline if I lost my job tomorrow and I am not saving that well for retirement with the money I've spent on the Mustang.  I've told myself this is the last summer I will do this, my last muscle car summer but every time I drive that car I tell myself, no, just keep going, don't sell/trade it.  Hang on as long as possible.

When I got my summer tires mounted, the shop said my rear rotors and pads were close to needing replacing.  I've ordered rotors and pads from Tire Rack and will install them myself.  I'm studying YouTube videos now and last year, someone from my car club let me help him change his brake pads.  I have a couple of weeks off before there are any events until the middle of May.

Toyota MR2 Spyder

The guy with the Spyder stopped by and parked outside where I could see him and when I waited on him he mentioned he had dropped the price again.  The car is beautiful, like a mini Porsche.  I've never seen one at our autocrosses, so it would be unique, most likely.

Tonight I have to go to Mustang Club.  Wouldn't it be a bitch if I ditched the Mustang now and didn't renew my membership?  Yeah, I'm the treasurer, no I don't have a Mustang and I'm not even a member.  Hee hee.

Uh Oh

Ex complains I never call her.  Wants to share a room in Little Rock.  Used to get after me all the time, am I seeing somebody, have I had any dates?

I lied, said no.  Everybody else is so circumspect, so I am too.  Oh, no, nothing's going on, we're just hanging out.

I told her I spend a lot of time on the phone (required for LDR's) but if I wasn't involved in October, we could totally share a room.  But what if I am involved by then?  Do I have what it takes to be monogamous?  I kind of doubt it.  I don't expect anything from anybody when I'm not around, so why should they expect anything from me?

And I'm happy to tell you what my problem is:  I still have it hard for a married woman.  Or maybe a couple of them.  Because if I got with them, I'd be off the hook for most of the relationship stuff.  Because they'll never leave their husbands and I'd be kind of freaked out if they did for me.  Because I just want these few intense moments and then walk away.  I don't want to connect and I don't believe anyone will really love me, because I'm don't believe love is a real thing.

In The Once and Future King, a fish tells young King Arthur: "Love is a trick played on us by the forces of evolution.  Pleasure is the bait laid down by the same.  There is only power.  Power is of the individual mind, but the mind's power is not enough.  Power of the body decides everything in the end, and only Might is Right."

When I read that as a youngster, I felt the sucker punch of a great truth.  I felt the horror of not being a man, not being powerful and of not being able to fully participate in life.  I would never be Mighty and I would never be Right.

Until I found the butch-femme people and BDSM and learned there were beautiful, feminine women who were all too happy to make me feel Mighty and Right.

Does it have to be the last?

As I changed my wheels this morning and admired my sleek black car in the sun, I thought to myself, "I am NOT trading off this car."  The offer to buy the other car has probably evaporated, so things will probably stay as they are for now.

I guess I forgot through the long bitter winter how much fun I have with that car.  Sometimes I get new car fever and search the inventories of local dealers.  But I remind myself that any new car will probably have some drawback that will make it less fun.  The new Mustangs are harder to drive, Sam Strano said so.  Not exactly a ringing endorsement for a car he won a championship in.

I may not be the fastest with my "get it in second and leave it there" strategy, but I doubt I would do much better rowing back and forth through the gears on a six speed.

I still have a longing for a convertible, and if I got an automatic, I probably wouldn't want to try to race it.  I'd like to have the new Mustang because the engine gets much better mileage.  I guess I could wait on that until next year when maybe I could find a 2011 for a little cheaper than they are now.

I hope the weather is nice in October since I guess I'll be driving my current Mustang to Little Rock.  I've been caught in snow in it before, so it's not the worst thing in the world.

If they still had drag racing at our local speedway, I'd probably still be doing that and would have jumped all over that Shelby at our local dealer.  I'd have drained my bank account and still had payments.  Guess I'm lucky they did quit them.

Windy Sunny Sunday

So we had a great day with not a drop of rain in sight.  I got a really good autocrosser to ride with me and then I rode with him.  I keep vacillating between abandoning this altogether and maybe keeping at it and figuring it out.

What if I had just one car that was a sports car and drove it all the time?  Winter tires would make the winter bearable.  Would a Ford dealer take both my Focus and my Mustang in trade for a new 2011 Mustang?  Should I get a v6, which is now in F-stock or a v8?  Decisions, decisions.  I guess I have all summer to think about it.

and just one more...

and I always thought tripodding looked so cool...

Ok , I don't want one quite so badly now

embed test- adult content warning

Room 33 Erika Lust from boolab on Vimeo.

Fevered dreams

At the last autocross the fastest guy drove a Mini Cooper S, beating the Porsches, the Corvettes and the Mazda RX8 that usually rules these things.

And since then, I've barely been able to think about anything else.  It seems like a perfect choice, only a little more than a 2011 Fiesta but much more sporty and fun.  Ok, probably about $5000 more.

But I am trying to get a grip and stick with the original plan to get the best gas mileage possible and walk away from racing for good.  And I'd have to use premium in the turbocharged Mini.

And I could always get some competition tires for the Fiesta, it will probably be a great G-stock car.

April 3

Sunday is my second autocross and Mother's birthday.  The 10th anniversary of her death is April 6.  This tends to be a tough time of year, being jealous of everyone who still has their mother and grimly enduring Mother's Day.  I wonder what would have happened if I had came out to her.  Sometimes I thought maybe she reached out to me.  But I kept my mouth shut.  I never forgot when she told me at the breakfast table, age 6 or 7: "People who are like that are sick."  I didn't want to be sick.  But I sure learned to keep my real feelings to myself and to feel pretty bad about having them.

Now, when I think about maybe making plans for the rest of my life with someone, I remember I would have to come out to my Dad..  Can I avoid it completely? I'm moving to South Carolina.  Just because.  No, don't come and visit, I'll come back to see you.  Would the girlfriend put up with that?  Would Dad?

I could never picture that conversation and when I tried, it didn't go well.  One girlfriend shouted in exasperation "But you look so gay!  How could they NOT know?"  Maybe they do and they just choose not to bring it up.  And I choose not to throw something in their face that I am pretty sure they can't handle.  It's a kind of détente.

I've lived the best life I can.  I am the only one I have to satisfy.  And girlfriends who try to make me do things I don't want to- they fall by the roadside pretty fast.  Because I am the Butch Daddy and what I say goes.

The woman I spend the rest of my life with will be totally OK with that.