A few years ago, one of my coworkers was talking about retirement with a customer he was waiting on. She was a sweet little old lady. He talked about the rotten economy that made retirement seem not feasible although he did long to leave. And then she said "You're tired of the assholes." Our jaws both dropped and she became my favorite customer that day.
My colleague retired a couple of years ago and was not replaced, so the lines are longer and the assholes are much harder to bear without others standing beside you to help with the burden.
For instance, if there's a big long line behind you and you have bought all the items you need, how hard is it to simply take a couple of steps to one side or the other so that the next person can come up? This afternoon, I not only had someone who thought it was fine to just stand there and address an envelope at my window with at least a dozen people behind her but when I got her to step aside, she did not give me the 98 cents I needed to end her transaction and she even said, "Just a minute."
What. The. Fuck.
She continued to address the envelope and I asked for the money for the second or third time and she finally handed it over. I imagine had I pointed out to her how rude, how stupid this behavior was, I would no doubt be in the wrong.
These kinds of incidents always launch me into corporal punishment fantasies, and I have beaten her bare ass savagely with my belt in my mind for the rest of this evening. I tell her she has to take six of my best but she doesn't follow directions very well for counting them off and it ends up being more like a dozen. Every man in line has a huge erection and one holds her down over the counter for me. Everyone approves and applauds when I'm done. A couple of women give me their phone numbers. The universe has been set right and we can all get on with our lives.
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