Wolverine 400 gram insulate from Cabela's

These have a Cordura upper and brown leather lower that I think was oil tan when I got it but I have been putting brown polish on it.  I like the speed hooks and the adorable animal foot print on the sole.  They are not made in USA.

Rocky Eliminator 400 grams Thinsulate

Now that winter is on the way, the fashion boots are giving way to insulated boots.  When I carried mail, I had a pair of Rocky Eliminator boots through my uniform allowance for winter.  They ate up the whole allowance but they lasted for ten years before the soles fell apart.  I was too ignorant to take them to get resoled and bought some boots from Cabelas to try and replace them.  Later, I was able to buy this boot again in another craft and plan to resole them when the soles wear out.  400 grams of Thinsulate, all leather.  The uppers are a different texture but the lower part takes a nice spit shine.  No speed hooks is a downside and the laces are too short to put through all the eyelets all the way to the top.

Frye Jonathan Roper Waxed Suede

When I was picking out a few things from Sheplers' Columbus Day sale, I made the mistake of looking at their sale boots.  Somehow I came across the Frye ropers at $150 down from $400 in size 7.  I was mostly attracted to the waxed suede leather, it just looked really nice and I was not disappointed.

There seemed to be a little more heel slip and more length in the toe than the LL Bean Katahdin Iron Works boots (made by Chippewa) but comparing the outside dimensions doesn't reveal a lot of difference.

I just deal with it with thick socks and adding Dr. Shoal's insoles if I think that helps although I have not added them to the suede ropers yet.  We are getting into winter soon and I am not wearing "fashion boots" in the snow.

Best Boots Ever

So there once was a time when I only wore black boots.  Because in my job with a certain government agency I could use a uniform allowance to buy rugged black boots for my job and because that is what the leather people wore.

I changed from walking all day to standing all day and eventually to just sitting all day but still only wanted black boots.  Until one day someone put it out there that they wanted a certain brand of boots in a certain kind of leather and they were expensive boots that never went on sale- fashion boots.  I kept an eye out and eventually landed on a reddit about boots called goodyearwelt and started looking at fashion boots myself and started thinking "Those look really cool".  I longed for a pair of Red Wing Iron Rangers but I gathered that the leathers I liked best were not made in my size and these boots also never went on sale.

So I have acquired  these Chippewa Homestead boots in Tan Renegade.

I bought them their very own cedar trees and after the first day of wear, there  is not too much of the dreaded toe crease.  They are very comfortable and I don't think I will be adding any inserts.

And that is the extent of trying to figure out how to put pictures in here.

Lucid Dreaming

On my weekends I tend to sleep too much.

Last night I dreamed about lucid dreaming.  I dreamed I was aware I was dreaming.

I started flying but then got anxious that it wasn't the lucid dream I wanted which made me think it wasn't a lucid dream after all, since it was only flying.

Flying is fun but my plan for a lucid dream was a ride in a vintage convertible with Dita Von Teese.

I was flying around looking for the car but ended up in a "house with secret rooms" dream.

Crash Dream

I work the night shift and sometimes when it's not busy, people doze off and nobody cares.  We are dispatchers and the ringing phone will put us back to work.

The other night I nodded off long enough to start dreaming and I was on the interstate and a tanker truck started to come over into my lane.

I woke up with my heart pounding.

Yet another bathroom dream

You know those dreams before you wake where you have to go to the bathroom and you are searching for the bathroom and when you find it, something is wrong- and you can't use it and you usually wake up and just get up and go to the bathroom.

I had one of these dreams but first there was a section about a guy I used to work with who was peeling dead skin off my back and maybe eating it.  I thought this bizarre grooming activity was a kind of sexual advance and I actually thought maybe he could teach me to ride a motorcycle and we could be like a Tom of Finland couple so long as I was the top.

So I look for the bathroom and find it but it consists of rows of benches with holes the size of quarters.  It's out in the open, like in a theatre.  There is a gallery of spectators, most of whom have binoculars.

I remember being glad I didn't have to go number 2.

Japanese Penis Festival - A Real Thing!

Has this ever happened to you?

Because it happened to me today.  Googling "bulging Guinness can" images brought up lots of pictures of people with bulging eyes.

Is it still safe to drink?

Kinda scared to put it in the fridge... or even have it in the house.  Is it going to explode?

Yet another reason to quit drinking...

I Want To Break Free

I had this bizarre dream last night where I was going back to work at a company that went out of business years ago.  The only guy there from the old days was one of the plant supervisors and while he was still sporting the mustache he had back then, he also appeared to be transitioning- wearing a low cut top with some nice boob development.  Think Freddy Mercury in the "I Want to Break Free" video.  He had a horrible speech impediment that made it impossible to understand him.  In fact, everyone seemed to have horrible speech impediments and were handing me pieces of paper that I would attempt to decipher but would disappear before I could figure out what was going on.

I was invited to someone's house or perhaps a house I would rent or buy and was there with two females from the company, both with the same debilitating speech impediment and while we were checking out the shower, one just up and peed on my head.  Her speech impediment miraculously disappeared and she made it clear I was not welcome to come back.

Well, I didn't really want to go back anyway.

Dec 23, 2012- Hey We're Still Here

Yet another apocalypse has come and gone.  The Mayan Calendar will no longer be a concern.

I'm not so sure I'll be renewing my NRA membership when it comes up.  Their answer to school shootings is to post an armed guard at each and every school.

School budgets are cut to the bone now, so how many teachers will lose their jobs to make room for this armed guard job?  Making for bigger classes, and bigger body counts when the massacres do happen.  Because the armed guard will be part of the body count.  Anybody who's watched any action movie knows that the security guard always gets it.

As I understand it, Sandy Hook had a pretty good security system in place.  You had to be buzzed in.  I am pretty sure they did not buzz in a Bushmaster-toting guy with a ski mask.  He shot his way in.  Seems to me, the answer might be bullet proof glass or entry at a gated entrance.  But you can't really plan for every contingency and a motivated perpetrator will find a way around your best plans.

As for those calling for more gun laws, I think it is important to note all the guns used were legally purchased by the mother of the perpetrator.  Had she made use of a gun safe and trigger locks that were not accessible to her son, he would not have been able to use those guns.

My father used to own a .22 revolver but when I was born, he got rid of it.  There was always a .22 rifle and a shotgun in the house.  They were basic tools for varmint control on the farm and they were kept out of reach of us children and believe me, we knew better than to try to mess with them.  I never fired a gun until I was in ROTC in college and then it was only blanks.  I was in my 40's when I acquired my first gun.

In my state,  to buy a handgun, you get a permit to acquire from the county sheriff.  The first time I did it, it took about two weeks and the permit is good for one year.  The last time I got one prior to attending a gun show, I was able to get my second permit on the spot, because I had had one before.  As long as you aren't a felon or mentally ill or an alcoholic and maybe some other things I don't remember, you can buy a handgun here.

I don't own a gun safe and I've never bothered with the trigger locks that came on my newer guns but recent events make me think I should do that, even though I live alone.  If my guns were stolen in a burglary, they'd be a lot harder to use.

There Are None So Blind

A while back I dreamed that I went to a different eye doctor and he was able to completely correct my vision.

Last year, at my annual eye exam, my optometrist was doing the "which is better? One or Two?" thing but when he was doing my left eye, nothing looked good.  He shrugged, said something to the effect that it is what it is.  Macular degeneration was starting to take its toll.  Maybe my vision would fluctuate from day to day and I was having a bad day.  I was still having fairly frequent visits to the retinal specialist to monitor bleeding in my right eye.  The specter of disability can freak you the fuck out.

I started to read up a little more on myopic macular degeneration and how to test my eyes myself.  I started to eat a lot more spinach.  I started taking the Areds 2 formula vitamins.  I spent a lot of time closing one eye and seeing what the other eye could do.  I had triple vision in my left eye and mild double vision in my right eye.  Some days were better than others, focusing on the computer screen would be easy and I didn't have to squint to read the numbers on the screen.  I figured the multiple images were from the cataracts that are starting to form.  Apparently, being very myopic can make everything go wrong with your eyes, macular degeneration, retinal tears, cataracts and glaucoma.  Nobody's mentioned glaucoma yet for me.

I went back to the retinal specialist last week.  During the initial exam, the guy was able to make my left eye see things.  I was startled- there's only one thing there, instead of three!  He wasn't impressed and emphasized not squinting and rapidly deciding which was better.  He said both eyes could be corrected to 20/30.  So in a way, it was like the dream came true.

Then he dilated me, I got scanned and then I saw the retinal specialist.  He quickly looked around inside my eyeballs and was pleased to announce no bleeding and that I could "graduate".  I wouldn't have to come back unless there were problems.

So maybe the vitamins and the spinach have helped.  I'll keep up with them.  I am not so worried about being able to renew my drivers license next summer and do not feel as though I will be forced to retire early because of this.  I feel fortunate.

I Want My GPS to Cry and Beg

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Broken Tractor

I was driving my tractor up some steps when it died and began to hemorrhage fluids.  I walked back to where I had been and asked who works on tractors and was given the name of a business, I believe it was called San Man.  I found the business, but realized I couldn't give them the location of the tractor.  So I went back to find it and got totally lost.  I wandered through all kinds of buildings that were like mazes and never found the tractor again but met plenty of people who weren't happy to see me.

The tractor was green, like a John Deere, if that helps.

Check out my new ink!

First I was at work and a helicopter was flying really close to our windows.  Then the guy flying it smiled at me and just stepped out of it.  I freaked out and yelled to my boss that the helicopter was going to crash and she seemed amused.

Next there was something about being at church and I was changing clothes and I was not happy with how big my breasts were getting to be and definitely planning to have something done about it.  There were all these little kids and I got irritated with them and called one a "little blonde weirdo".  They were from a new family and were showing off the athletic skills of one of their toddlers.

"Just throw anything at him," they said.  "He'll catch it."  And he could.  There was a younger set of twins that  were kind of odd looking with lots of fresh stitching on their heads and faces.

I was on my way somewhere and ran into Doug from where I used to work and showed off my new tattoo.

Before I left for good, I had a conversation with a cat.  It was black and someone, probably those damn new kids had dyed its head yellow, and it's front torso red and it's hind quarters blue, like they were trying to make it look like Mr. Bill.  It seemed to not be that upset about it and told me to have a good trip.

Jennifer Livingston Is Smoking Hot Just The Way She Is

Jennifer Livingston is a news woman and a guy sent her an email that said stuff like "obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make" and how she should lose weight.  I think she should have just deleted the email and ignored him.  The very idea that someone would "choose" to be overweight is as stupid as the idea that one chooses to be gay.  And as the news is rehashing this, they refer to her being overweight and it just pisses me off.

We're not talking about a woman who has to have a wall knocked out so she can leave the house.  We are talking about a very attractive woman by any standard, as far as I am concerned.  All I could think about as I watched her video response to this douchebag was how smoking hot she is.  When she mentioned a husband, I thought what a lucky guy he is.

World is just messed up, giving a woman shit for not looking like Barbie.  Fuck you, world.  Eat shit and die.

It's OK.

I had a lot of errands to run this morning so my routine was all disrupted I guess and maybe my head wasn't where it should be.  I went to the post office and stood in line but it didn't take all that long and I could have stopped and picked up something to eat on the way to work but all I did was just get some gas.

It wasn't the station I usually go to and that couldn't have been the problem.  Getting gas is not a big deal.  You select your payment method, say yes or no to a receipt and maybe decline a car wash.  Let it fill, wash your windshield, put the nozzle back, put your cap back on and get your receipt.

For some reason I forgot the nozzle putting back part.

Some Mexican guys pulled up on the other side of my pump in a nice black Ford pickup and were talking back and forth in Spanish and I started to pull out and the one that was walking to the store pointed at me and said "Hey" and I realized what I was doing.  I stopped and sure enough, the nozzle was on the ground.  I thanked the man for flagging me down.  I talked about what a stupid thing it was I had done.

The man still at the pickup on the other side of the pump said "Ees OK."

I guess it could have been worse, I could have pulled away while it was still filling, the hose could have been yanked from the pump, etc.  The horror of the embarrassing, mistake in front of who knows how many witnesses was mitigated by the kind words of the man I didn't even see on the other side of the pump: "Ees OK."

Kindness is so humbling.  Makes you think to be kind to others, instead of doing or saying things that will make their day worse.  It's OK.

Gracias, amigo.

From now on, though, I'm standing right by the nozzle until it's done.  I'll wash the windshield after I put everything up.

Insomnia

When I lay on my back in bed, my breasts disappear.  I can lay in bed naked next to my girlfriend this way and not care much if she puts her hand there but she's somewhere else tonight.  I think about whether I'd be a good candidate for a keyhole procedure.  I think about how much I'm scared of doctors and try to forget it.  I put my hand on my flattened chest and wonder what the big deal about nipples is anyway, it doesn't do anything for me to have them touched.

If I had it done, no one would probably notice, most shirts I wear are loose, but it would probably be obvious if I wore a polo and I have a lot of those.  They hold up better than my button downs.  The button downs get worn more and washed more and wear out faster.  The polos usually are mixed fibers and wear like iron.

I try to remember the last time I was home visiting Dad.  Have I been home this year?  I try to remember the names of my step brothers and sisters kids.  I can remember the first borns and second borns but the genders and names of thirds are eluding me.  If they made me match the progeny to the parents, I'd probably fail.  Some of the little blonds may have gone brunette or ginger and I would mix them up.

I'm in bed for a change, because you are supposed to sleep better in bed with no television on.  I refuse to do the one thing that I know will zonk me out, get up, turn on the television and lay on the couch.  I've been getting so stiff lately, I might end up with back or neck pain if I don't stop it.  I can't be sleeping all that well on the couch.  But I sure ain't sleeping good tonight.

I try to think about things that will inspire me to masturbate, another thing that might induce sleep, but I keep going over the very unerotic topic of the names of the newest children.  Some of the names are weird, like they got them from bad Scrabble letters.  I can't make a word with these letters but this looks like a cute baby name.

I think about the name I might take should I transition.  Or even if I don't.  I've always hated my name.  I like Jim and Tom.  I like Gus, because of Lonesome Dove.  I like Zane and Jason and Justin and Miles.  I like manly, unambiguous names.  I wonder why so many trans men seem to go for variations of Aiden.  I wonder why I can't sleep, why my mind won't shut off.  I feel like I just had an energy shot and it's almost six in the morning and I last had one right before I started work at three in the afternoon the day before.  I don't have to get up early but I try to be up by 10:30 to have plenty of time to get ready for work and maybe do yard work or run an errand before commuting.

Sometimes the sleep deprivation elevates my mood.  I'm always happy to go to work these days.  I like my job a lot.  Yesterday there were four of us there at first, which isn't necessary, since there are only three stations.  I was hoping I'd get a chance to walk down to the guard shack and see inside it but there was a training video to watch.  When I was back in our room, the extra guy gives me his iPhone and has me play his racing game.  I drive three races.  I run off the track and hit other cars but I still win.  I'm uncomfortable playing it, since I am at work, but there's not much going on yet and soon the extra guy will leave and fortunately the boss doesn't see me playing the game.  I think how I ought to play Need For Speed with my steering wheel and pedals on my big screen TV.  But I haven't gamed much since I started dating again.

I don't think about the future.  I probably slept more than I thought and I don't feel that tired this morning.  There was some kind of dream about someone knocking at my door but I can't remember how it goes now.

current events- 9/11/12- it's not getting better

People love to get worked up.  They latch on to a theme for their life and choose a path and stuff happens.

Last night I was trying to catch up on the latest shit storm going down in Egypt and Libya and keep my girlfriend awake as she drove over night.  The last long distance girlfriend I had would hang up on me when she heard me playing games or watching videos during our hours long phone conversations.  This one is more tolerant.

I was trying to watch the clip from the inflammatory movie that was causing people to die and it wasn't interesting and seemed vaguely random and lame and she kept saying "What are you doing?" so I decided to watch it later but it was made "private" today.  Probably to keep other people from getting worked up.

Why did it seem like a good idea to head over to an embassy full of people who had nothing to do with making this movie?  I guess you had to be there.

In our country, we have free speech.  Anybody can say any damn stupid thing they want to.  And they do.  In other countries, not so much.  It is too bad they feel motivated to kill people over words.

My sympathy goes out to the innocent who were murdered in Libya.  When bad guys come, good guys need to grit their teeth and defend themselves.  This time, there were too many bad guys.

Nobody owes bad guys apologies.  Egypt should be apologizing to the US for the attack on our embassy.  Same for Libya.  Maybe we shouldn't have embassies in such lawless, uncivilized countries.  Because I see no reason to be diplomatic with people who can't be reasoned with.

Wednesday is my Saturday

That one time I peed in the men's restroom at work.

Too bad I didn't straighten my tie clip.